The Grieving Process
by McRaider
Summary: Follow Up to Grieving-Miles by Steph-Schell, Ben brought his little brother home, but getting him off the streets is only one step in recovery from loosing his best friend.
1. Chapter 1

The Grieving Process  
McRaider  
Summary: Follow Up to Grieving-Miles by Steph-Schell, Ben brought his little brother home, but getting him off the streets is only one step in recovery from loosing his best friend.  
Author's Note: Thanks to Steph-Schell for permission to use her beautiful story, I definitely encourage you to read it! It was perfect for me. I'm a Billy Burke girl, love the man, can't get enough of him, so this is to show all his emotions cause god knows we don't see enough. All errors are mine, sorry.

 **Chapter One**

As Ben led his limping brother to the car, he couldn't help but notice that his brother looked stiff, and tired. He understood a little bit of what had happened, their mother explaining what she knew to him. But he couldn't help but want to know more. As he opened the back door for him he smirked as the dog jumped into the back of the car and sat there patiently, the guitar was put in the back as well.

Ben reached to open the other door and his brother swatted his hand away, "I'm injured, not a damn invalid."

Ben raised both of his hands in a defense posture, trying not to laugh. As soon as he was in the driver's seat and closed the door he glanced over at his brother, "You okay?" The man was slightly pale, and looked as though he was having some trouble breathing. Ben wondered if he'd been too late picking the man up, winter was on it's way, but the brisk weather was already here.

"Quit mothering me," the grumbled reply came.

Ben sighed, Miles hadn't always been like this, he could remember his easy going brother who was full of smiles and laughter. Then again, Bass had always been around. Ben adored his younger brother, only about four years between him, they'd been close enough as brothers, but Bass was different. Bass brought out the absolute best in Miles-and sometimes even the worst. Ben honestly wasn't sure how they were going to get Miles through this. "Charlie's gotten big, she's been asking about you so I know she'll be thrilled to see you," Ben offered, hoping to pull his brother out of his funk.

Charlie was the light of the Matheson family, or at least the men in the family. Eldest of Ben's children, she'd been born seven years earlier and was with her father's eyes and hair; she had her mother's spirit and her Uncle Miles' snarkiness. Miles, who had been ecstatic about becoming an uncle at the time, had a special place in his heart for the girl.

"She pissing Rachel off at every turn yet?" Miles asked.

Ben chuckled, despite their affair, Miles and Rachel didn't much care for one another anymore, which was another reason he wasn't overly concerned about having his brother in his house, "A little, yes. Miles, we'll get through this," Ben offered as he glanced over at his brother.

Miles didn't reply, he just continued staring out his window. As Ben stopped at a nearby light he took a moment to study his younger brother, the man's hair was always dark, but it was greasy and clearly dirty. He had smudges on his face, of which, only the ones under his eyes were natural. He smelled, so hopefully he'd appreciate a hot shower. He could see just from his angular face he'd lost weight, Miles had never been a heavy set man, always simply broad and deadly. Now he looked almost fragile, like someone blowing a fan at him would knock him over.

"You know you could've called when you were evicted," Ben offered quietly, he wished his brother would rely on him just a little bit more.

"Come on, Ben," he finally answered, he looked over at his brother and Ben could see how deeply Miles was hurting. "You've got two young kids. And Rachel pretty much hates me."

"You're family, Miles," That's all Ben ever said, he pulled into the driveway and looked over at his brother, "Has Seabass been potty trained?"

Miles nodded, so Ben climbed out of the car, letting the dog out of the back and grabbed the guitar. He kept an eye on Miles as he climbed slowly out of the car, he was again moving very stiffly, like he wasn't quite steady on his feet. "Uncle Miles!" A young voice screeched and a moment later Miles was on his ass, crying out in pain briefly, all the while he'd managed to shield the girl from hurting herself.

"Jesus! Miles are you all right, Charlie—" Miles held up his hand and smiled, despite the pain in his eyes, he hugged her close.

"Just caught me off balance," he replied. Ben kept the 'you look constantly off balance' reply to himself. Miles smiled, gently stroking the girl's cheek as he looked at her, she really had grown, she was tall and looked confident, not the shy little girl he'd seen before his last tour. "Hey Peanut," he murmured.

"I missed you so much, Uncle Mi, you smell funny," she crinkled her adorable little nose. A moment later she was being swept up in her father's arms, while Miles delicately tried to get himself back on his feet.

"That's rude, Charlie. Here, take Seabass," he offered the dog over while he reached out a free hand to his brother.

"Ohh, we got a doggy!"

Miles gripped his brother's hand this time as he struggled to get to his feet, the pain in his leg had doubled as she'd run head into him, but now his back hurt and his chest ached. He bit back a groan, "I'm sorry, Mi, I should've told her to be careful," he apologized profusely.

Miles shook his head, "She's a kid, Ben. She should be a kid," he offered, he'd never deny his little niece anything.

Once he was sure his brother was on steadier feet they headed towards the front door, which was now currently open, his wife shouting inside about dirty dogs. "I don't think you have to worry about me and your wife, man," Miles offered smirking.

Ben chuckled; Miles had always been the kind of guy who enjoyed rubbing people the wrong way. "Yeah well, I'm sure he'll grow on her."

Miles stopped short at the doorway though, he appeared unsure about something, "Ben, you don't owe me anything, you know," he whispered.

Ben stepped closer to his baby brother, "I know I don't. Miles, we're family; I love you, brother, no matter what. I can't stand the idea of you suffering because of this with no place to go. You're welcome here until you're back on your own two feet, okay."

Miles gave him a solemn nod and stepped into the house, Ben closed the door as he stepped into the house and chuckled as Danny and Charlie were already squealing over their new dog. Rachel glanced over at Miles, she looked ready to say something, but instead she offered a brief smile, before turning back to whatever she'd been doing prior to the dog entering the house.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Miles watched the steam pour out over the curtains and slowly fill the bathroom. He couldn't really remember the last time he'd had a hot shower. Ben had made it quite clear to leave the clothes he wanted to keep on the floor, while anything else could go in the trash. He stripped and carefully stepped into the shower. The hot water pelted him, sliding down his body and he sighed, the warmth began to seep into his bones, washing away the dirt and some of his aches and pain.

He looked down at his body, seeing the familiar healing wounds, a bright yellow and green bruise sat directly over his left shoulder and spread down to his chest and towards his breast bone. Hand to hand combat was unusual in most wars these days, easier to blow people up and shoot them unfortunately. Despite that he'd managed to get captured to his horror and his chest had been nearly crushed by the butt of an AK-47 another two bullet wounds, one in his lower right abdomen and one in his thigh. Then there was the bullet wound that wasn't on his body. Because his best friend had taken it for him while he was busy trying to save another solider

He felt a wave of anguish wash over him like the hot water; he buried his face in his hands, pressing the base of his palm to his hands to stop the tears. In truth, he felt like crying, really crying. He was so tired; he hadn't been able to sleep for nearly a month, due to night terrors.

Miles must've lost track of time, he startled slightly at a soft knock on the door to the bathroom, "Uncle Miles?" Charlie's voice called.

He shook his head, trying to clear away the memories, "Ye—yeah?" he cleared his throat, trying to sound natural.

"Its bedtime…would you read a story to me?"

He had to admit he'd smiled more around Charlie than he had since Bass had…had died, "Sure, give me a couple minutes kid."

"Kay!" her reply was excited, so he made quick work of shampooing his hair, then washing his body. A few minutes later he stepped out of the shower significantly cleaner and better smelling. He dried off, surprised to find a set of sweats and a t-shirt of his on the counter. How long had he been in here? He changed quickly, glad to see his brother still had some of his stuff, before he padded down the hallway to Charlie's room. Rachel was kissing Danny and Charlie goodnight, when he stepped into the room.

Rachel smiled at him, trying to ease his nerves. She'd been surprised by how uncomfortable he'd seemed at dinner, as if he wasn't sure if he should speak. She didn't want him to feel like he wasn't welcome here; she'd agreed just like Ben that he'd needed help and support. Though, she had some concerns about a traumatized war veteran in the house, she knew and reminded herself that he would never intentionally hurt any of them.

"So…what am I reading?" He questioned.

Charlie held out The Hobbit towards him, "This!"

He smirked, "Bit young for it, but all right."

"I'm going to go clean up downstairs, let me know if you guys need anything," Rachel spoke, before heading out of the bedroom.

"Uncle Mi?" Danny asked as he slid out of bed to join his uncle and sister on her bed.

"Yeah?" He questioned as he was sandwiched by both children, he smiled at the sight of the two.

"Daddy says your sad, are you okay?"

Miles sighed heavily for a moment, before he looked at the boy, "I will be," he lied, because truthfully he wasn't sure he'd ever be all right again. "Listen guys, I sometimes get…I get loud at night, and I don't mean to. So if you ever see me sleeping and I'm being loud at the same time, don't touch me, okay?"

"Why?" Charlie asked.

"Well…sometimes I get stuck in my dreams."

"Like a nightmare?" Danny questioned.

Miles nodded in reply, "And my dreams are a bit more…violent, so I don't ever want to hurt you, so just don't…don't try and physically wake me up by touch or shaking."

"Okay," Danny and Charlie replied in unison, he knew they didn't fully understand, and frankly he was dreading sleeping, but he was getting to a point where he couldn't stay awake much longer.

He was a quarter of the way through chapter two when he noted two sleepy kids struggling to keep their eyes awake, he smirked to himself as he tried to figure out how to get Danny back to his bed. As if on cue, Ben walked into the room, "Need help?"

"Yeah," Miles smirked.

Ben scooped Danny up in his arms, giving him a delicate kiss to the forehead before resting him down on his own bed. Meanwhile, Miles rolled out from under his niece and pressed a similar kiss to her forehead. "Love you, Peanut."

"Love you too," she murmured before rolling over.

"Now, lets get you to bed," Ben said, earning him a violent glare from his brother.

"I'm not a child who needs tucked in, Ben."

Ben smirked as he all but dragged his brother out of the room, closing the door behind him, "I know, but you're also injured and need to know where things are," he led his brother into the guest room. They'd place a small bed in one corner, though Seabass wouldn't end up sleeping there. Though he sat there now, as soon as he saw his human, the dog jumped up easily on the bed and curled up at the end of the bed. There was a chair next to the bed, where Miles' guitar was leaning as well as his clean clothes in a neat pile. "Your service weapon is in the side drawer. Look, Rachel and I are in definite disagreement on the handling of that. We don't really want the gun in the house with the kids, but I know as a solider you need it to feel safe right now. So the drawer locks, and the key is under the lamp."

"I…thank you, this means a lot Ben. I promise to keep it locked up unless it's an emergency."

Ben nodded, "That's all I ask, I heard you say something about night terrors?"

"Ben," Miles didn't want to have this conversation.

"I'm not prying, I'm not. Just…how do I wake you up, if we can't touch you?"

"Ideally, you don't have to, that's been Seabass' job for the past several days, but if it's really bad try calling my name, if…" Miles closed his eyes and sighed, he hated feeling so vulnerable. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into his brother's ocean blue eyes. "If you can't wake me, leave me be-take the gun and get out of the room, let it ride its course."

Ben nodded, "Understood," He sat down beside his brother, "Look, Miles, I know you hate this emotional stuff, you're like dad in that sense. But I need you to know that if things get really rough, you'll talk to me."

"You mean like…"

"Yeah."

Miles wanted to promise his brother suicide wasn't a threat, he wanted to promise he was stronger than that right now, but, truthfully he never felt weaker. He felt empty and hollow without Bass now. The very idea of spending the remainder of his life without his best friend left him wanting nothing more than to curl up and die. "I can't…I'll try," he whispered.

Ben smiled, "That's all I ask man. Get some rest." Ben stood and headed out the room, closing the door behind him.

Miles lay down and stared at the window of the room, his chest continued to ache, but now it was because he couldn't quite force himself to breathe past the pain of the loss. His brother had broken a wall today, and it made him feel open and wounded.

He felt a wet nose pressing against his ear and he looked at his friend, his sandy locks healthy and clean now. Miles reached out, winding his fingers through the soft fur; he felt the licks against his chin and cheeks, before the dog settled beside him. Miles buried his face in the fur and tried to control his breathing as he struggled with getting himself together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 _"_ _You need to grieve," a voice told him. Miles whirled around, he was in the desert of Iraq, dressed in his Marine fatigues, Bass stood across from him, as handsome and young as ever._

 _"_ _Why would I need that?" Miles questioned, confused, "Why are we back here?"_

 _"_ _You've cried once, man. I saw you. Come on Miles, don't I rate higher than that."_

 _Miles looked down, he saw blood seeping across his leg, "I'm bleeding, Bass—" as he looked up at his best friend he was horrified to see him on the ground, blood covering his entire upper half. "Bass!" he screamed but as soon as he tried to put weight on his leg he crumbled to the ground. "Bass!" He cried out again, trying desperately to crawl to his best friend. "Bass, hold on buddy!" But Bass seemed to only grow further and further away._

 _"_ _You did this to me," the voice sneered, "You got me killed!" he hissed._

 _"_ _Please, come back, Bass, I'm sorry, I know but he was a friend!"_

 _"_ _I thought I was your best friend!"_

 _"_ _You might as well have pulled the trigger yourself!"_

 _"_ _No! You know you're my best friend, you're my brother!"_

 _"_ _Miles! Help!"_

"BASS!" He screamed as he sat up in bed, sweat covered his entire body, the dog lay between his legs, licking his calf in hopes to calm him. Ben's concerned blue eyes were on him, from the end of the bed, watching his best friend and little brother. As Miles realized where he was and what had happened, he let out a half cough half sob.

Ben sensed it was safe, and moved around the edge to sit down beside him on the bed, pulling his brother to his chest and shoulder. The heat radiating from his brother was concerning, but for now he figured it was simply the night terror, he continued rubbing Miles' back as he coughed and cried. "Breath, Mi," he murmured.

"Tryin'," came the gagging gasp. "I killed him," he sobbed.

Ben wrapped his other arm around his brother, "You didn't, you didn't, Miles. Please, you didn't," he just kept whispering. He glanced up to see Rachel standing in the door way with Charlie, both looking pained at the idea of Miles being in such a state. Rachel waited for a slight nod from her husband before she turned and left, knowing Miles would never want anyone to see him like this.

"Miles, your breathing doesn't sound right," Ben spoke in a quiet tone, not wanting to startle the man.

"Cold," Miles replied as he started to pull away.

Ben hummed for a minute, "Maybe, but if it continues we're taking you to the VA hospital," he studied his brother as the man lay back down, his breath still harsh and unsteady, Ben had heard a slight rattle, but he kept his concerns to himself for the time being. "Do…do you want me to stay?"

"No."

Ben nodded, "There are movies downstairs, if you can't fall back asleep."

"Thanks."

His heart broke for his little brother, for a man who was barely capable of displaying his emotions, who had just about had it beaten into that emotion was bad, loosing one of the few people in the world he truly loved was nearly impossible. Taking one last glance towards the bed where his brother now stared vacantly at the window, while Seabass curled up again by his face, he resisted every urge to cuddle with him like he had when they'd been boys.

 _"_ _Ben," a whisper came in the night, Ben, who was almost ten, glanced over at his brother only four, "Ben…I had a 'mare."_

 _Ben sighed; the nightmares were more and more frequent since he'd fallen from a tree last week. Frankly Ben felt like Bass should be the one who has to wake up rather than himself. He rose his blankets and waited for his brother to squirm into the bed and get comfortable. "Sorry," Miles mumbled._

 _"_ _Don't be, just don't hit me with your cast."_

It had been one of the last times his brother had sought comfort out from him, in the end, Ben had always been the more emotional and open one. Whereas his younger brother was far more like their father, he was able to turn off emotion in seconds. It was one of the few times he'd seen his brother really struggle with showing his emotions.

He walked downstairs, unsure if he'd be sleeping tonight either and he was surprised to see his wife standing at the island in the kitchen, crying quietly as she held the phone. He walked over, slightly confused, and gripped her shoulder, "Honey?"

She turned in his arms and pressed her face to his neck, "I know it's stupid, he was your friend too, but I went to call him and ask for him to help," she cried.

Ben sighed as he rubbed her back; he felt his own tears slipping down his cheeks. Bass had left only a few people who really adored him in the world, but the problem was those few people had relied on him a great deal more than he thought.

He wanted nothing more himself, than to see the brat he'd always considered as his second brother, walk through the front door and tell their brother to get a grip. Even though he'd originally been comforting his wife, he quickly found the roles reversed as he felt his own grief catch up with him.

o0o

By the time Miles had come downstairs the following morning, feeling significantly worse than he had the day previously, everyone had left. He quickly let Seabass outside, and noticed the note on the counter.

 _Miles,_

 _Kids are at school, Rach and I headed to work. There's food in the fridge, as well as some chicken noodle soup, Rach says you need to eat and drink something other than alcohol. VA called, so did mom, maybe call one of them back? Call if you need anything, kids will be home by 4, I'll be home by 4:30._

Miles' stomach rolled at the idea of food, sighing he let Seabass back in the house, before sitting down on the couch, with the phone in his lap and the letter. He didn't particularly care to call his mother, she was overbearing on a good day.

The VA wouldn't be much better, and he didn't feel prepared to enter the working world again. Deciding maybe what he needed was some fresh air he headed out into the chilly air. He didn't know where he was headed, Seabass at his side, but soon he found himself standing before the grave yard. He stepped into the hollowed ground, heading straight back towards the familiar spot.

They'd offered to bury the solider in Arlington, but Miles and several other members of their group had paid to get him a headstone by his siblings because he'd want to be. He sat down before the five grave stones. "Hey," he whispered, he even waited as if expecting his best friend to reply. "I miss you."

He didn't even know when it started raining, or as the sky began to grow dark. The hours passed and he just sat there, near the gravestone, staring at it. He wasn't sure when he laid down, coating himself in dirt, and the cold rain. He wasn't sure at what point he'd lost consciousness.

Seabass watched his recently new owner lay down; he felt edgy, felt concern for his human. Something had shifted in the human, the new home they had come to yesterday was nice and toasty, but it did nothing to assuage his human's mood. The shift in his mood and health seemed to be declining in a rapid way. As he watched his human lie down, he noticed how it looked like he went from sleeping to unconscious; he sniffed the human something smelled off. He smelled sick, whining, Seabass pulled at his human's thin clothes. He moved and nudged the hot skin of his human's face. He was growing frantic, he started barking.

"Hello?" Someone called, Seabass looked over at the man a ways off in the distance, he wasn't sure who the human was, but his human was more important, he barked again, whining as he pawed at his human. "Hey, sir! Are you all right!?" The man called as he hurried over to him, he looked down at the dog, "Is he yours?" Seabass barked in confirmation and nudged his human again. The caretaker reached out soothingly to pet the dog, "I'll call for help, good boy, stay here with him."

Seabass garbled some at that, thinking he'd never leave his wonderful human. The man wasn't much, he didn't love to cuddle much, and he didn't always have, but he was a loving caretaker and Seabass didn't feel he needed the human as much as the human needed him, which Seabass was all too happy to provide. He lay down beside his human, his face and snout right beside the man's neck, occasionally snuffling and nudging him to get his attention.

"Miles!" A familiar voice called out, Seabass looked up to see human's brother coming towards him. Seabass stood and barked again. "Seabass!?" His eyes grew wide as he saw his brother, "God please don't be dead," the man all but cried as he dropped to his knees, his hands were searching.

"Do you know this man?" The caretaker asked as he returned, "I just found him and his dog out here, wouldn't have even known if not for his dog. Is he okay? I called for an ambulance."

Ben shook his head, his tears mingled with the cold rain as his hands continued to roam his brother's body, desperately looking for blood. "Please, please don't be dead," as he lifted the back of Miles' jacket he saw the gun. "Oh god."

"Is that a gun?" The caretaker asked.

Ben nodded as he removed it from his brother's jacket and like a pro unloaded it and put the safety on, "He's an ex-marine, the grave he's lying on is our brother's," Ben whispered, simplifying the matter. He tucked the gun into the back of his pants. There was no blood anywhere he could see, however he was able to figure out it was likely a fever, since despite how cold it was outside Ben could feel the heat radiating off the man. "Miles, come on Miles, open your eyes," he tapped his brother's cheek, but Miles remained unresponsive.

Ben glanced up to see the lights in the distance headed towards the graveyard. Looking down at his brother he realized fever hazed eyes were staring back at him, tears pouring from them, Ben let out a sob and pulled his brother into his arms using the man's shirt. "You bastard," he whispered as he cuddled the man close. His thumb made circles on Miles' face as he tried to share some heat with the shivering body.

"S'ry, 'm fine," grumbled Miles.

Ben shook his head, "No, you're not, please don't leave me," Ben's voice was thick as he clutched his little brother. He was surprised when he felt two arms grip him back and Miles' shoulders start shaking again.

The ambulance had arrived, and as the EMTs came up, Ben held up his hand, asking them to give his brother just another minute to compose himself slightly. "I'm cold," he heard his brother murmur, Ben knew that was the sign so he waved the EMTs over, thankful they were kind enough to wait just a moment.

"I don't need an ambulance," Miles instantly protested.

Ben sighed, "You're unconscious on the ground, you've got a high fever and I found this," Ben held the gun out again, "in your pocket. Miles, you need help. Please, just let's get you to the doctor and medicated. We'll talk about the potential suicide attempt later." He looked up at the medics that were quickly taking his brother's BP and temperature, "This is his Work dog, I assume you can't take him in the ambulance?"

The woman smiled, "Assuming he behaves, he may come, but if you drove and would prefer he stay with you, that's fine as well, he obviously can't go into the ER."

"I don't need the ER, look, let me go home with my brother, I'll go to the VA hospital tomorrow. Please?" Miles hated pleading, but he didn't want to go to a hospital.

The medics looked from Miles to Ben, Ben was unhappy about it, but he didn't want to force his brother to do something he wasn't comfortable with right now. He nodded, "I'll take him myself. Thank you."

The man and woman both nodded, "Okay, here, we'll give you a few of his numbers. His temperature is 102, and while that's not good, it looks more like exhaustion kicked in."

Ben nodded, thanking them both for her time, he looked down at Seabass, "Come on buddy, lets get your dad to the car," he eased his brother up from the ground, thanked the caretaker once more, before the duo made their way to Ben's car.

Once he had Miles seated in the passenger's side, he went to his trunk and pulled out one of the thick blankets he always kept in the back, and brought it to his brother, wrapping it around his shoulders. He then got into the driver's side. "Why can't you just let go," the question was so quiet, he almost hadn't heard it.

Ben felt his eyes burn as tears collected, he swallowed past the lump in his throat, because as much as he missed Bass, he'd miss his little brother so much more. He reached out and grabbed his brother's hand, "Because, you asshole, because how you feel now, is how I'd feel if I lost you." He looked over at his little brother, "Don't you get it, he was my brother too. Maybe we weren't as close, and I know you're hurting, but I'm here. I love you, you stupid bastard. I'm not asking you to fix everything, you can't, I'm just asking you to fucking fight."

"This is pathetic," Miles whispered, it was clear to Ben that his brother was crying again.

Ben silently cursed their father and the Marine Corp for making his little brother think he couldn't cry over the loss of his closest friend. The sobs started again, the shaking, Ben reached out pulling his brother to his side again, uncomfortable; he couldn't let him suffer alone. He closed his eyes as they just sat there and cried in the car.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The next day was a Friday, and thankfully it was easy for Ben to take the day off, after a rather impressive hissy fit from Charlie the prior morning her parents had agreed to let her take the day off too to 'take care of Uncle Miles'. While normally the parents would've put their foot down, Ben had to admit that Miles did better when his niece was around.

So once Ben had gotten his son and wife out the door, he sent Charlie to go get ready while he prepped himself as well, then they'd wake up Miles. Or at least, that had been the plan. Charlie diverted as usual from said plan, as she pushed the door open to Miles' bedroom. The man appeared to be asleep, but she noticed a sheen of sweat on his face and chest. "Uncle Mi?" She called as she approached. Seabass, who had been sleeping across his human's legs, glanced up as she grew closer, he got up and licked his human's face.

"Stop," he whined, pushing the dog away.

"Uncle Miles?" She asked again, now at the bedside.

His exhausted eyes looked at her, she studied him for a moment, he looked completely miserable. His face drawn and weary, dark circles under his eyes, his hair stuck out in various directions. He was pale and thin, he hadn't shaved in several days. "Hey," he mumbled, his tone was void of any emotion.

"You're still sad, aren't you?"

He nodded, closing his eyes as he fought back unwanted emotion. He was surprised when he felt a soft hand stroking his cheek and chin, his eyes opened and he met the beautiful blue eyes that she'd inherited from her daddy. "I'll be your best friend. I know I can replace Uncle Fishy, but…I can try."

Miles hated that his eyes welled up with tears, he felt horrible, sick and exhausted. Despite that, he reached out and grabbed her under her arms and pulled her into his arms. Instantly she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed close to him, while he just held her. "I could use a friend," he murmured.

"Daddy loves you too, he's worried."

"I know, it's my fault, I'm trying sweetheart I really am. I want to be happy again. I'm just…"

"Daddy says sometimes you have to embrace being upset before you can be happy again. I don't really get it. But he seems smart."

Miles smiled a small smirk as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Would you help me, maybe?"

She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, "If it means you stay with me and not go to heaven like Uncle Fishy, yes."

Ben stood in the doorway, smilingly as he watched the niece and uncle cuddle. He had hoped that Charlie would be able to help pull her uncle out of the funk at least some. "All right, let's get you to the VA hospital."

Charlie slid to the easily, allowing her Uncle to get off the bed and get changed.

The drive to the VA hospital was filled with chat from Charlie about school and the upcoming holidays. While Miles partially listened all he could really think was that he'd be celebrating his first Thanksgiving and Christmas without his best friend.

It was another twenty minute wait to be seen by a doctor, and then fifteen minutes to determine what was wrong, finally the doctor, Charlie-who had seated herself in her Uncle's lap, and Ben all sat in the exam room. "So, good news and bad news," the doctor offered, his name was Peterson, that's all Miles remembered.

"What's the good news?" Ben asked, he feared the man would say his brother was dying.

"Miles has walking pneumonia, it's very treatable. I'm going to get you started on an antibiotic, I also want to start you on a sleeping pill."

"I don't want to sleep," Mile answered.

The doctor nodded, "I know, and I understand, I really do. That's part of the bad news, Miles, you're suffering from severe depression and mild PTSD, both of which I'm sure you know. Unfortunately, most anti-depressants don't start working for nearly a month, because the medication has to build up in your system. The sleeping pills are to keep the nightmares at bay, I know you want to fight this, and say you don't need this medication, but what you're dealing with isn't going to go away along, at least not for a long time, and from what your brother said, you need the help."

Miles looked at Ben, who was eyeing him with concern. "So what do I have to do."

The doctor nodded, "Good, we're going to start you out with Lexapro, it's a baseline medication, and we'll get you Xanax for really bad days. Lexapro typically starts working the quickest, which is one of the reasons I want to start you on it. I want you to spend the next three days sleeping, I'm serious Miles."

"All right."

"Finally, you're going to come back here in a month to see how you're feeling. Also, I'd like you to consider talking to someone."

"I don't do feelings."

The doctor chuckled, "That's why you need to see someone. Look, keeping those feelings in aren't good for you, and from what it sounds like Mr. Monroe was the best friend you ever had. There's going to be a gambit of emotions you may not be ready to cope with, but you need someone, a separate party to help you work through this."

Miles sighed, unaware he was holding his niece so tightly, until she squeaked, "It's okay, I'm here Uncle Mi," she soothed. He instantly loosened his hold.

"Sorry, Peanut."

The doctor smiled despite the seriousness of the situation, "Also I personally recommend we keep this little girl around you as often as possible, as she's the only one I've seen you smile around."

"I promised to take care of him," she assured him. Unable to stop himself, he buried his face in her hair, to hide his desire to cry and break down.

"When will it get better?" Miles asked.

"Well, its likely going to be at least a few weeks, you'll notice you'll sleep better without the medications. Sleeping is the gauge in some ways, part of the problem with depression is the feelings overwhelm you at night, and the night terrors don't help. As the sleeplessness starts to build up in your system you start to crash further and further. It'll get better, I promise you, Miles."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five  
Two Weeks Later**

Despite that he was still struggling with depression, Miles looked down at the application for the FBI agency. His brother, who did some work for the DOD had made the suggestion. And now with his head back on his shoulders, Miles had to admit the idea made sense, he was certain he could do it, and do it well. He just wasn't sure he was quite ready for this step.

"It's just a form, Miles, fill it out, worst they can do is say no," Rachel offered, she'd gotten quite used to having her ex-fling around the house, though she still loved the man, she knew she loved her family the way it was now. She'd been working from home for the last week, both Ben and her had been supporting him when they could, each finding ways to either work from home or make appearances more frequently as he dealt with the medication and depression.

"And if I'm not ready?"

She smiled, reaching out and gripping his hand, "Miles, you take care of people, that's your job. I'm sure if the FBI doubt that they'll be the first to tell you. Take the chance, do this. It'll be good for you." She poured him a cup of coffee and put the mug down, she decided changing the subject would help ease his nerves, "I heard Emma called."

Miles smiled and nodded, "I saw her at…" he swallowed, "Anyway once she told me about her and Bass' kid, I wanted to meet the kid."

"His name is Connor?"

"Yeah, Emma says he's a chip off the old block."

Rachel chuckled, "I have no doubt, you think you're going to start dating her again?"

"Honestly, no," he replied, "I care about her but…no, Nora is pretty good for me, I mean granted it's only been three dates, but she's different. I just want to be there for Connor, and I think Bass would want that too."

"I think you're right." She sighed and then continued, "You know I loved you."

"I know, and I still do, but I love my brother too, I can't destroy him. You guys are all I have left."

She nodded, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple, "We love you too, and I promise we're not going anywhere. I'm just glad we can move forward. We really do want to help you. I know you're Mr. Tough guy when it comes to emotions, but, we're all here okay."

He looked at her for a long moment, before nodding, "I'm trying."

"I'm going to go take a shower, finish the application," she ordered before heading upstairs.

Bass stood in the corner, watching his friend learning to adjust without him, stepping forward he leaned over the application and smiled, "I'm okay, Miles. I'm with my family again."

Miles looked at the ghost of his friend, "I was your family too."

Bass smiled and nodded, "Yes, you are, but it's better off this way. Will you take care of Connor and Emma for me?"

"You know I will. Bass…I love you," he said the last bit quietly.

Bass' grin was huge and childlike from where he stood watch over in the corner, "I know, I love you too bro."

The End


End file.
